It shows my vulnerability, my weaknesses if you will. Yet, as you travel this path with me, I hope you see my growth as a person, as a person who choose to ... love.
Okay, this is part of the way it started.
I joined eHarmony.com but they kept emailing me 70 year old men. Even though I lied about me age. I gave myself 10 years (shit, I look 10 years younger than my real age ... for real!) (well, at least I did before the stress and drama of this 'relationship).
Anyhow, eHarmony repeatedly sent me 70 year old somethings. Sorry, no thanks! So, I joined Match.com. The first day I joined I was overwhelmed with responses. Men were coming at me from all over the place. For someone just unwinding from the fetal position this was awesome and well, overwhelming.
The first four guys I talked with or rather chatted with were not for me right off the bat. Two were controlling. One wanted to know who I was chatting with and why. Dude! I just met you 5 minutes ago. Chill. No that's alright. Click!
Another guy was a straight out asshole. He told me he was a man and he expected to be treated like a man. I thought if you are a man, why the fuck do you have to tell me?! Click!
Then, there was cute ass Matt. OMG! I wanted him. He said he was Dutch and from Amsterdam. Oh exotic! Beautiful eyes. Sweet engaging smile. Beautiful lips. Dark hair. Ding! Ding! Ding!
We chatted for a couple of days and gave each other pet names. I swear he had me by the panties. I thought how effin lucky I am to get him on the first outing (take that you soon-to-be-ex-husband)!
I flinched when he stated that his wife and child died in childbirth. Flinched because I knew Amsterdam was not a third world country (nor in the southern United States)! But, I listened to him still until he said, "Oh, I'm over it now." Well, shit. That don't sound right! How in the hell do you get over the death of a wife, well, maybe her but a child!
About 5am in the morning, the next day, I did an google search on Matt. He was a scammer. His name was associated with a lottery scam in Amsterdam. I emailed him breaking off our new relationship, crying over whatever I perceived I lost. Acutally, it was his deception that brought forth tears.
I was being honest and truthful (yeah, I know except for the age, but shit age was not an issue with him), and vulnerable. I was not acting impulsive or so I thought.
Little did I know what was to come (Rod Serling voice).
Here's the breakdown on Cutie. He is a retired army sargeant living in Maryland. He lost his wife and daughter in a car accident while he was on peace keeping mission in Iraq. He had a home that he recently purchased. He lived alone. He had a business. He bought and sold gold.
Here are some pictures of who I thought I was talking to and having a relationship with:
Funny thing is I was never attracted to military guys. I stereotyped them as rigid, conservative, crew cut fanatics. Yet, Cutie appeared to have integrity, honor and all the attributes I wanted at the time (and now). He seemed manly and protective in a way that made me feel safe, just looking at him. And, he possessed attitude coupled with humor (observe the fuck you pics). I liked that and I like him!
The Cutie Chronicles ...
----- Our chat on Thu, 6/2/11 1:07 AM -----
ADRIENNE (11:11 PM): What happened? You didn't like what I said?
Cutie (11:12 PM): Sorry..I lost connection
ADRIENNE (11:12 PM): So, do you still think that owning a home is the American dream?
Cutie (11:12 PM): I like everything you say..ok
Cutie (11:12 PM): Yes..It is
ADRIENNE (11:13 PM): Why? A house is a money pit
Cutie (11:14 PM): Is very nice to have your own house you live
Cutie (11:14 PM): You feel much comfort
Cutie (11:14 PM): and you?
ADRIENNE (11:16 PM): I am leaving my house/home due to the divorce. The apartment life is appealing to me at this point i my life. No maintenance. Someone else repairs the plumbing, etc and so forth
ADRIENNE (11:16 PM): You own your own home I take it?
Cutie (11:16 PM): Yes..I do
ADRIENNE (11:17 PM): Good for you.
Cutie (11:17 PM): would you like to move in with me?
ADRIENNE (11:17 PM): No
Cutie (11:17 PM): WHY?
ADRIENNE (11:17 PM): I DO NOT KNOW YOU
ADRIENNE (11:17 PM): What state are you in?
Cutie (11:17 PM): ok..I understand
Cutie (11:18 PM): I am in maryland now
ADRIENNE (11:18 PM): Not that far.
ADRIENNE (11:18 PM): I want to live out west
Cutie (11:18 PM): Yes..My daling
Cutie (11:18 PM): darling
ADRIENNE (11:18 PM): Yes Cutie?
Cutie (11:18 PM): Oh ok..
Cutie (11:18 PM): Very nice
Cutie (11:19 PM): What do you think are the three best traits you have to offer a partner?
ADRIENNE (11:21 PM): Am I doing a personality test here? I'm stalling, thinking ...
ADRIENNE (11:22 PM): People tell me that I have a good heart and I ask them how do they know that. I have bottled up passion, I am passionate. I am willing to learn and experiment to make things happen and if I feel invested ... to make things right
ADRIENNE (11:23 PM): What are your 15 best traits (I'm competitive you see)
Cutie (11:23 PM): Good..
Cutie (11:24 PM): I will always be there for you. I will be true to you. When I Fall in love, you will always have my heart.
ADRIENNE (11:25 PM): twelve to go ...
Cutie (11:26 PM): Accountability Honesty Uncondiditonal support..
ADRIENNE (11:27 PM): eight to go ...
ADRIENNE (11:27 PM):
ADRIENNE (11:27 PM): will you promise to always take out the garbage?
ADRIENNE (11:28 PM): if my bicycle gets a flat tire will you fix it?
Cutie (11:29 PM): Oh yes..
Cutie (11:29 PM): I willing to do everything and anything for my partner because i want to see her always happy
ADRIENNE (11:29 PM): say there is a tarantula in the bathroom, will you remove it with your hands without killing it and spraying bug juice all over the place besides killing an innocent creature?
ADRIENNE (11:30 PM): will YOU clean the toilets or get a maid to do it?
Cutie (11:30 PM): I can do it myself and i have been doing it all by myself because i live alone now..
Cutie (11:32 PM): Yes..I will do it for love if only that will only make my partner happy
Cutie (11:33 PM): Would you like to have a maid who will help at home?
ADRIENNE (11:33 PM): Not necessarily. Perhaps, once a month.
Cutie (11:33 PM): Oh ok..I see
ADRIENNE (11:34 PM): Can we afford a maid dear?
Cutie (11:34 PM): Oh yes..always
Cutie (11:35 PM): Besides love, what one trait have you noticed in couples that have maintained a successful relationship for many years?
ADRIENNE (11:36 PM): The ability to communicate, talk and LISTEN
Cutie (11:37 PM): For me,I think being honest and hanging in there thru good and bad times. Keeping the relationship fresh and interesting so nobody gets board.
ADRIENNE (11:38 PM): You have not mentioned sex or making love at all. Pardon me, I know your Christian and all, but don't you want to f*ck your partners brains out? Or is it too early for me to be asking you that question?
Cutie (11:39 PM): Oh yes..I like to fuck
Cutie (11:39 PM): ok
Cutie (11:39 PM): I can't wait to fuck you..My darling (My note: Apparently in more ways than one).
ADRIENNE (11:39 PM): Hey, your supposed to use that * thingie
ADRIENNE (11:39 PM): Awwwwwwwwwww, there we go Christian boy
Cutie (11:40 PM): Hahaha
ADRIENNE (11:40 PM): Okay, slow down
Cutie (11:40 PM): Ok
ADRIENNE (11:40 PM):
Cutie (11:40 PM):
ADRIENNE (11:41 PM): What priority do you gave lovemaking in a relationship?
ADRIENNE (11:41 PM): 'give'
Cutie (11:42 PM): To always make my partner feel like a great woman
Cutie (11:43 PM): and you?
ADRIENNE (11:44 PM): I think lovemaking, which is also, touching, hugging, kissing, and having eye contact that 'tells something' even in a crowed room are the priorities. It is not always insert P into V. Yet, that is important.
Cutie (11:45 PM): Yes..I agree
ADRIENNE (11:45 PM): In other words, sex is part of the relationship but not all of the of relationship
Cutie (11:46 PM): Yes..True
Cutie (11:46 PM): You are a adorable and wonderful woman..
ADRIENNE (11:46 PM): I crave expressions of affection that may not necessarily lead to the act. I think most women are like that
ADRIENNE (11:47 PM): OMG, I'm normal
Cutie (11:47 PM): Good
Cutie (11:47 PM): Describe an interest you have that you would truly hope your partner could share with you?
ADRIENNE (11:48 PM): basketweaving
ADRIENNE (11:48 PM):
Cutie (11:48 PM): Awww!! Sweet (Director's note, that would be me: this is where I think he's crazy! Basketweaving is sweet?? Yeah, he's a scammer LOL)!
ADRIENNE (11:48 PM): I'm kidding
ADRIENNE (11:48 PM): OMG that's so funny
Cutie (11:48 PM): Yes..My darling
ADRIENNE (11:49 PM): Learning how to Tango. I'm going to a Tango lesson next week. And I want to go to Buenos Aires to Tango dance
ADRIENNE (11:49 PM): one day that is
Cutie (11:50 PM): For me,First, I will be interested in my partner's activities, then I enjoy dancing, swimming & photography but I'm not a pro in any of these . I love traveling and visiting new places.
ADRIENNE (11:50 PM): I like photography. I'm not a pro either. I love to snorkel. I forgot how to dance. I like to slow dance.
Cutie (11:51 PM): Awww!! Very nice
Cutie (11:52 PM): I long to share all this wonderful and great moments with you in my arms
Cutie (11:52 PM): I also like slow dance whiles kissing and caressing each other
ADRIENNE (11:54 PM): do u date much now at home?
Cutie (11:54 PM): Please accept to view my webcam
ADRIENNE (11:54 PM): no way (Director's note, that me: He had to be kidding. Wedcam? Me? that defeats the purpose of internet dating. I'd have to get dressed, put on makeup and literally shake off 10 years. I could go to a bar or club)!
Cutie (11:54 PM): No..You are the only woman i am dating since i lost my wife and only daughter
ADRIENNE (11:54 PM): keep your clothes on
Cutie (11:55 PM): Yes..I have my clothes on..ok
Cutie (11:55 PM): I am man of dignity
ADRIENNE (11:55 PM): lighten Sarge
ADRIENNE (11:55 PM): up
Cutie (11:55 PM): just accept..ok
Cutie (11:56 PM): I am not like the other guys you met online..ok (Shit! Is that convincing or what)?
ADRIENNE (11:56 PM): I'm insulted. You don't think I at least know that about u? (Afterall, it's been 3 days)!
ADRIENNE (11:56 PM): I have met some very nice guys online. I met u!
Cutie (11:56 PM): Sorry..It wasn't my intention
Cutie (11:57 PM): to insult
ADRIENNE (11:57 PM): I also turned down and blocked 4 idiots, not including the scammer
Cutie (11:58 PM): Ok..what did they do to you that made you blocked them? (He's taking notes, no doubt).
ADRIENNE (11:59 PM): Two were controlling. One wanted to 'marry' me. Come on. I can't remember the other it was 5 days ago LOL But, I did have to cross them off ... RIGHT AWAY
Cutie (12:00 AM): Good.
Cutie (12:00 AM): Looking back on your life, of what are you most proud?
ADRIENNE (12:01 AM): I should say my children. But, I wrote and published a book
Cutie (12:01 AM): Great!
Cutie (12:01 AM): I am so happy for you (Cha Ching!)
ADRIENNE (12:01 AM): That I am continually in wonder at the world.
ADRIENNE (12:02 AM): That inside and out, I feel like a child most of the time
ADRIENNE (12:02 AM): That I am intelligent and love to keep learning
Cutie (12:02 AM): Life is made up of ups and downs.. In life, We all experience both good times and bad times.. I wouldn't be anywhere to answer this if you ask me some years ago.. But am very proud that, upon all that i went through in my life, I still see my self a very strong man..
ADRIENNE (12:03 AM): That mixed in with the pain of my continual evolution, there is hope and excitement (Here I just went off on my own tangent. Oh, excuse me you're still there).
ADRIENNE (12:03 AM): You are a great man! I mean that sincerely
ADRIENNE (12:04 AM): And you are slick. You are seducing me
Cutie (12:04 AM): Really?
Cutie (12:04 AM): You have put a great smile on my face
ADRIENNE (12:04 AM): really ...
ADRIENNE (12:05 AM): How can I not imagine how it would be with you?
Cutie (12:05 AM): Oh yes..I know we will do great together when we meet
Cutie (12:06 AM): What i feel for you is so strong and pure..I promise and cross my heart i will never and ever let you go
ADRIENNE (12:06 AM): slow down
Cutie (12:06 AM): ok
Cutie (12:06 AM): I am
Cutie (12:06 AM): Tell me about your closest friend.
ADRIENNE (12:07 AM): I do not have many friends. I am a loner
ADRIENNE (12:07 AM): I have one girlfriend who stays in contact with me more than I do with her
Cutie (12:07 AM): Me too
ADRIENNE (12:08 AM): I think that is why I talk to you so much. I need a friend
Cutie (12:08 AM): My only true and one friend was my only brother who died just last year of cancer
ADRIENNE (12:08 AM): Sorry
Cutie (12:09 AM): I need a friend too..And i am very happy to have you as one but i know in time we would be more than just friends
ADRIENNE (12:09 AM): My weakness is that I am not good at the maintenance of relationships and friendships. I attract people but I eventually go off to do something else
Cutie (12:10 AM): Please don't that to me..ok
ADRIENNE (12:10 AM): I'm not good at the maintenance of many things I acquire. I lose interest fast
Cutie (12:10 AM): because i will die without you love and affection
ADRIENNE (12:11 AM): I will try not too. Believe me, you can make it without me considering all you've been thru
ADRIENNE (12:11 AM): My one friend once told me that I am selfish with my time. She was/is rightCutie (12:12 AM): Thank you
Cutie (12:12 AM): I believe and trust you with all my heart and soul
ADRIENNE (12:12 AM): I would rather be alone but with people around. Right now, I am alone completely and it sucks
Cutie (12:13 AM): I also promise and cross my heart i will never and ever let you down in anyway
ADRIENNE (12:13 AM): I did it to myself though. It is the lesson I needed to learn
Cutie (12:13 AM): I am also alone completely
Cutie (12:13 AM): but i have you now as my one and true friend who i will adore and cherish till eternity
ADRIENNE (12:14 AM): I do not know if I can live up to the obligation and commitment. Another weakness of mine
Cutie (12:16 AM): Please try and be strong in your obligation and commitment..ok
Cutie (12:16 AM): Please tell me about your children. What ages and how many? Do they live near you?
ADRIENNE (12:17 AM): My daughter is an adult and my son is fifteen. They both live within walking distance. My son is living with his father because of school and because I travel a lot.
ADRIENNE (12:18 AM): You know too much about me
Cutie (12:18 AM): Yes..I like you
Cutie (12:18 AM): and everything about you..ok
Cutie (12:18 AM): You also know alot about me
Cutie (12:19 AM): My only one daughter died in a car accident with her mom..
ADRIENNE (12:19 AM): How old was your daughter?
Cutie (12:19 AM): 4 years old
ADRIENNE (12:19 AM): My god!
Cutie (12:20 AM): I hope you saw a woman with a little girl in the pics i sent you
ADRIENNE (12:20 AM): What was her name?
Cutie (12:20 AM): Georgina
ADRIENNE (12:20 AM): I will look at the pictures again
Cutie (12:20 AM): Ok
ADRIENNE (12:20 AM): Did she look like you?
Cutie (12:21 AM): Yes..
Cutie (12:21 AM): If you had three wishes, what would that be ?
ADRIENNE (12:21 AM): That I could have 10 more wishes
ADRIENNE (12:21 AM): You?
Cutie (12:22 AM): Good housekeeping. It explained how to keep a relationship going,To be there for my partner whenever she needs me and Finding practical solutions to complicated situations.
ADRIENNE (12:23 AM): That's your wish???
Cutie (12:23 AM): Yes
ADRIENNE (12:23 AM): Good Housekeeping?
ADRIENNE (12:24 AM): That's one
Cutie (12:24 AM): yes
ADRIENNE (12:24 AM): ...the other two
Cutie (12:25 AM): Yes
ADRIENNE (12:25 AM): yes what
Cutie (12:26 AM): I have already said all the three
Cutie (12:26 AM): To be there for my partner whenever she needs me and Finding practical solutions to complicated situations.
Cutie (12:26 AM): that is the other two
ADRIENNE (12:26 AM): Oh (I'm thinking what kind of guy wastes wishes like that?! But, oh well).
ADRIENNE (12:27 AM): I'm sleepy and need to look at some porn to ... well you know.
ADRIENNE (12:27 AM): Hey, I'm alone here
ADRIENNE (12:28 AM): I'm letting you see the real me
Cutie (12:28 AM): Tonight you can do anything you want, no penalties, no reprisals, and the cost is unimportant. What are you going to do?
ADRIENNE (12:28 AM): Exactly?
Cutie (12:28 AM): Ok..can you share your porn site with me..I am also alone here
ADRIENNE (12:28 AM): No
Cutie (12:29 AM): why?
ADRIENNE (12:29 AM): Now, I'm embarrassed
Cutie (12:29 AM): Don't be..Ok
Cutie (12:29 AM): I like you jsut the way you are..You are so sweet and cute
Cutie (12:30 AM): You are the woman of my dream
ADRIENNE (12:30 AM): xtube.com, it's free
Cutie (12:30 AM): To have you in my bed will be a dream come true..My DARLING
Cutie (12:30 AM): Thank you for sharing with me
Cutie (12:31 AM): You are so wonderful and cute..I love you (Come on. He's not a scammer)!
ADRIENNE (12:31 AM): What if I weigh 300 pounds?
ADRIENNE (12:31 AM): and break the bed
Cutie (12:31 AM): I don't care
ADRIENNE (12:31 AM): Yes you do
Cutie (12:31 AM): I will get a new bed for s
Cutie (12:31 AM): us
ADRIENNE (12:32 AM): Well, fortunately I do not weigh 300 pounds ... yet.
Cutie (12:32 AM): Ok
Cutie (12:32 AM): I wish i was there licking and sucking your pussy (Me, Holy Crap)!
ADRIENNE (12:32 AM): OMG don't say that. Not yet (Me: OMG)!! (But not enough to sign off)!
Cutie (12:33 AM): Ok..
ADRIENNE (12:33 AM): I don't mind talking around the subject but dont' be explicit. It's not time
ADRIENNE (12:34 AM): I guess I should not have been in tease mode with you
Cutie (12:34 AM): I understand you perfectly
Cutie (12:34 AM): Why?
Cutie (12:34 AM): My dear,we must feel free..ok
ADRIENNE (12:34 AM): Because you thought you had permission to take it to another level
Cutie (12:35 AM): Sorry..i didn't mean to
Cutie (12:35 AM): ok
ADRIENNE (12:35 AM): ok
Cutie (12:35 AM): Please forgive me..I promise it will not happen again
Cutie (12:35 AM): ok
ADRIENNE (12:35 AM): ok
Cutie (12:35 AM): Tonight you can do anything you want, no penalties, no reprisals, and the cost is unimportant. What are you going to do?
ADRIENNE (12:36 AM): Watch gay porn, the MEN, not the women. The men are more interesting to me. (Conversations evolve quickly on the internet. What was surprising and disgusting a few seconds ago, morphs into a teasing conversation).
Cutie (12:38 AM): oh ok..i see
ADRIENNE (12:38 AM): and you? LOL